{"id":814,"date":"2011-01-02T10:17:20","date_gmt":"2011-01-02T18:17:20","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/melissaruth.com\/blog\/?p=814"},"modified":"2011-01-02T10:18:30","modified_gmt":"2011-01-02T18:18:30","slug":"2010-the-terrible-horrible-no-good-very-bad-year","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/melissaruth.com\/blog\/2011\/01\/2010-the-terrible-horrible-no-good-very-bad-year\/","title":{"rendered":"2010: The Terrible Horrible No-Good Very Bad Year"},"content":{"rendered":"

I keep seeing all these posts on other blogs reflecting about 2010 and how awesome it was, and I just can’t bring myself to do the same about the worst year of my life. I mean, the constant cosmic bitchslapping I was given has turned me into a twitchy emotional wreck. I’m so glad that it’s 2011 and I can turn the page on last year’s truly awful circumstances. I have never felt – and still feel – so alone and adrift as I feel now. It’s amazing how a combination of things – getting laid off, turning 30, friends getting married and engaged and pregnant just totally shattered me. I’m not one who openly talks about my feelings (because a lot of times I get the impression people don’t think my feelings are valid, to put it bluntly) but in general, I feel very fragile right now. The new year gives me hope, though – there is always that possibility of new beginnings and new experiences to be had. I just need to make my own path and stop letting these feelings of total inadequacy and being the constant goddamn third or fifth wheel in life get me down.<\/p>\n

Last year wasn’t all bad though: here is a collage I made of some of the things I made or did last year that I don’t<\/em> feel like sticking my head in an oven over.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>Look at all that awesome stuff! I am a great knitter and a great jewelry designer. If you’re good at something, own it<\/em>. I’m also awesome at baking ridiculous cakes.<\/p>\n

So, in 2011 I want to try to feel happy, instead of the unsettled feeling of, well, despair, actually, that pretty much summed up last year.<\/p>\n

I have some goals in mind so 2011 doesn’t suck monkey balls like last year so colorfully did.<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. Go to Disneyland with Abby.<\/strong> We talked about going in April, and I think that would be really fun and something to look forward to. Abby’s never been to California Disney, so I also look forward to subjecting her to the Tower of Terror, aka Best Ride Ever.<\/li>\n
  2. Buy a new car.<\/strong> I haven’t checked in awhile but I think I can still get a bank draft from my bank, and I can use some of last year’s severance and the trade-in on my current car to get the loan down to about $10k which would only be $200\/month over five years. One of the things that contributed to my sheer stress last year was a variety of car trouble on top of an emotionally volatile situation. I refuse to deal with car trouble. I just totally refuse. My car had its last strike last week when it failed to start again. No more. Eliminating car problems from my life will eliminate a multitude of stress. And I can finally buy a car that I actually want. A non-GM car, natch. I am looking at the Honda Fit, or possibly even another truck! And one thing I REALLY want to do is get a car in a happy color, like orange or lime green.\u00a0 I hope to complete this transaction later this spring. (By June or so.)<\/li>\n
  3. Continue to knit awesome stuff<\/strong> only for myself or people who really, truly care about it. This is a really short list, and I think I might just be totally selfish next year and knit only for me – or at least only things that bring me pleasure. That means shawls and socks, baby.<\/li>\n
  4. Try to knit & bead only from stash. <\/strong>This actually is harder than it seems, but I think I will have to since I decided to buy a new car and need to save $1000 between now and buying a car. I get a pass at Stitches West, Lambtown, and the two bead shows, however. I’m not sure how going to Michael’s and JoAnn’s will fit into this yet, give me a little time to get financially sorted out, hah. I might give myself an allowance or something; that worked pretty good when I was on unemployment.<\/li>\n
  5. Eliminate fast food from my diet.<\/strong> Not gonna lie, December was one hell of a clusterfuck when it came to fast food and alcohol.<\/li>\n
  6. Go to Winco more often.<\/strong> Like, at least every three weeks. I’ve saved a lot of money by going here to buy my groceries. I still need to shop around at Trader Joe’s and wherever, but I need to start making the effort to go to Winco more often.<\/li>\n
  7. Clean out my closet and bureau of clothes I haven’t worn in a long time. <\/strong>Also, start wearing clothes I’m inexplicably saving for “special occasions”. It’s not like I ever go anywhere, so wearing these clothes is not going to hurt anything. *rolls eyes at self*<\/li>\n
  8. Bake a cake every week. <\/strong>I’m going to have to, if I want to use all my cake mixes before they expire, hah.<\/li>\n
  9. Try to keep my house clean.<\/strong> I’m a messy person with clutter blindness. That’s the truth. I’m trying to work on it.<\/li>\n
  10. Expand my repertoire of dishes I can cook really well. <\/strong>I’m in kind of a food rut. Pasta, burritos, that’s about it. The other day I made a great dinner of meatballs and gravy, mashed potatoes, and Brussell sprouts. Relatively healthy and well-rounded. And so tasty! I need to learn to cook chicken and other meats, like a pork roast, and also stop being afraid of my crockpot.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    So, those are some worthy, and do-able things. Some other things I’m mulling over include going gluten-free and learning to sew. We’ll see how it goes.<\/p>\n